


open your eyes.

by shoyofam



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, Depression, M/M, Romance, Warning of future self harm, Yamaguchi is autistic and isn't good with people, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoyofam/pseuds/shoyofam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s easy to look at someone and create a false opinion of a stranger. Sometimes those opinions are right, sometimes not. Some people are bad at judging people, though if you judged every living being on this earth we live in, you’re sure to get at least one right. Yamaguchi Tadashi was quite amazing at doing this exact job. He would never look at somebody and think anything at all; in fact, he thought nothing of it. He would simply say to himself, ‘I’d like to know that person better than I do currently.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ordinary.

**Author's Note:**

> (This is a fanwritten book, I do not own Haikyuu!! or any of the characters. This book is written by myself; a person with Asperger's Syndrome. All points stated about Asperger's are true, though not every person with Asperger's Syndrome experiences these things. These are all things I have experienced. Please, feel free to ask questions!)

Chapter inspired by “Medicine” by The 1975. 

“I find it hard to say, bye bye,  
Even in the state of you and I.”

-  
“I’m autistic.”  
-

Yamaguchi stretched his legs gently, his toes curling into the carpet that lay down beneath his feet. The boy’s duvet was still clustered in his hand; even after he’d pulled it away from his body. A yawned emitted softly and rubbed his eyes, continuing to get up without his alarm clock; even after being so used to the frequent time after a while, it still sat next to his bed. It was nostalgic, something he liked and enjoyed having near him now and again. He smiled weakly to himself as he combed his hair (which proceeded to still look wild, no matter how many times he brought the brush through it.) His eyes brightened along with the sun rays cascading through the pure white wooden blinds, making him blink slightly.  


Nobody knew how much he disliked sunlight.  


Today was a Tuesday, his favourite the day of the week. Why? Because every Tuesday, after school, the astronomy club was open! Yamaguchi loved stars. Oh, how he adored them. He knew this wasn’t very ordinary, as if nobody would point it out, but he didn't mind. The way they looked like gems amongst the dark blue stratosphere just amazed him. Every teenager his age had more of an interest in video games and romance. Most of the time, he shrugged it off himself.

-

On the way to school, he pulled out his phone and plugged in his light orange headphones. Music began to play even before he put the buds in both of his ears, the early morning sunlight radiating on his cheeks to bring out his freckles more. He puffed out his cheeks and let out a hot breath, a cloud of hot air forming in front of his for a brief few seconds before disappearing once again. Yamaguchi’s feet scraped along the concrete floor as he walked, feeling as though they were dragging him down. It was a feeling he was used to, though, so he didn’t mind.  


The sounds of several more people swarmed him as he brought himself closer to the school, almost buzzing like bees in his ears. It was a known fact that Yamaguchi hated loud noises, adding to the long list of things that made him unsure and scared plenty. He sighed.  


Days went by for Yamaguchi so slowly. Every day dragged on. The only days he really seemed to like, were in fact, Tuesdays. He wasn’t exactly depressed, nor was he unhappy with his life; it was more the fact that every day was overall the same, he was always so nervous, he had these attacks of panic that weren’t even 'panic attacks'. They were far worse than that, and he knew that simply from the fact that he’d had panic attacks before, these were so bad that they made him want to die every now and then. Or did that count as depression? He didn’t exactly know, nor did he want to find out. On the flip side, Yamaguchi also had times in his life where he was always smiling to himself, dancing around his bedroom to his favourite song and being a nerd whilst keeping himself to himself, but he also had times where he would shut away from anyone or anything and would end up becoming endangering to himself. Steering away from this train of thought, he walked into his home room and sat down, putting down his bag and crossed his arms over his desk, resting his head on the varnished wood. 

 

This Tuesday... This Tuesday was different to all of the other Tuesdays. This Tuesday was different. He wondered why.


	2. new sights.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by "Fun" by Troye Sivan.
> 
> "Just don't look them in the eyes, boy.  
> Just gotta take their lives, boy."

 

-

Yamaguchi's pupils diluted as his eyes set upon the new face that had suddenly made his way through the home room door, blinking a few times, still in the process of looking up from his arms. Soft brown looks lay across the boy's forehead, his cheek pressed to the fabric of his school sweater. He wondered, though a few seconds later, his curiosity was killed. He was actually interested for once.

 

"Now, now, class! As you may have seen, we have a new student joining us today. Would you like to tell everybody who you are most likely aware of by now. Would you like to say a short hello and tell everybody who you are?" The blonde haired assistant, who seemed to smile every time she met eyes with someone in the room, spoke in her regular tone.

 

"Not really." Everybody gasped and made irritable comments about him but Yamaguchi seemed to smile slightly. Nobody saw, though. Luckily

"W-Well, anyways, please do-"

"Okay. Kei. I'm Tsukishima Kei. I transferred here to Miyagi from Tokyo due to my parent's work. It's nice to meet you all." His face was sculpted, still sharp as he spoke, his skin tone paler than most as Yamaguchi looked closer. He wasn't as white as the clouds in the sky on that Spring Tuesday morning, but he wasn't far off. But Tokyo? Amazing. He was probably intelligent. "Tsukishima, thank you. Please choose any seat you would like." And to Yamaguchi's surprise, he sat away from him. Not that he minded, though.

 

A bird outside of this window caught his attention, watching as the sun was masked by its wings, squinting and shielding his eyes from the single strobe of light. The dew drops on the windows separated the sun, cascading down the cold glass from the other side. This confused him as it changed his view and created twisted apparitions of what he knew was real and made him see it differently.

 

-

Yamaguchi sighed softly as he tugged at the sleeves of his jersey for the fourth time in the past minute or so, carrying his small lunch bag to the steps around the back of the school. Not many people came to this place, so Yamaguchi thought of it as his place to eat. His personal little dining room, if you will. He smiled to himself and placed his body down onto the stone step, his green, badge-covered backpack next to him. 

 

Inside of the box was a toasted ham sandwich (which wasn't barely toasted; any other way and he would've not eaten it. He doesn't like the smell nor the texture or taste), a packet of dried fruit, a juice box and a fried apple pie. Apple pies were his favourite. He ate them every day. Packed with flavour, tasting amazing yet being so small and compact?! Truly a masterpiece!

 

"What're you eating there, Tadashi?" Yamaguchi blinked a few times and then turned to his right to see a group of boys hovering around him again. One sitting next to him, two in front of him and one sitting down behind him. 

;Please. Not this again. I don't want to be a monster anymore.

"U-Um. An apple pie." He spoke softly, his natural shy tone coming through a little more than he wanted. He still smiled though, unaware of the true situation.

"Couldn't hear ya'."

"A-An Apple pie. It's my favourite-" Within seconds, the Apple pie was out of his hands. Yamaguchi's heart twanged.

"My Apple pie now, right, Tadashi?" The boy with a smug grin on his face in front of him spoke, his fellow audience chuckling to themselves as he juggled the food in his hands.

"Give it back, I'm warning you." Yamaguchi balled his hands into fists by his sides, his thighs beginning to shake. They snickered around him, the sickening sound filling his ears. "I-I want it! Give it back! Don't be so mean!" He whined loudly, the boys still laughing at him as tears brimmed at his eyes. Surely it wasn't a joke?!

;Please don't bring it out. I can't contain it. You need to stop.

 

"Aww, Ta-da-shi~ don't be such a baby. Are you really gonna cry? It's a joke. How pathetic can you be?!" The boy above him went to kick his leg, and that's when he'd had enough. Tadashi yelled. He yelled at the top of his lungs, to the point of pain and clutched a tight hand around his ankle and pulled it before pushing back against it, hearing a crack in the bone. He screamed also. The other boys widened their eyes and got up, backing away. "Gi-ive me my food back! S-Stop it! Why do you have to be so mean to me?!" Yamaguchi trembled and shook with anger and fear, tears spewing from his eyes. He could barely stand up at this point. His food was now all over the floor, the boy with the now sprained ankle began trailing away, leaning on somebody else. "What the fu€k did you just do?! I'm on the football team you know! If I can't play, you better watch your back." Yamaguchi's stomach flipped.

;It was all your fault. I don't want to be this way.

"You took my food. I was hungry. I hate you." 

;I didn't want to hate you. 

-

After sudden attacks like this, Yamaguchi felt ashamed of himself. Yamaguchi felt tired and worn out already. They can last up to an hour for him, which was terrifying; as if he actually was going to die. It shook every inch of his being and made him feel like the most wretched person in the entire universe. 

But when he was happy, he was really happy - to the point where he was a completely different person. Especially when he was doing his favourite things, eating his favourite food and with his favourite people, he was always at his best. So that night, he told his mother about his day; leaving out the part where he freaked out, did his homework whilst listening to his favourite band, ate an apple pie that he had spare at home, and fell asleep quite literally a few minutes later. As mentioned earlier, he was tired. Throughout the entire day it had bothered him though, those constant negative thoughts in the back of his head. But what could he do?

That wasn't a very happy Tuesday, now was it, Tadashi?


End file.
